For those of you who do not know the subtitle of my book is called, “Ride The Wave of Postpartum Depression With A Mother of Nine” and the reason I chose that subtitle is because it is a wave; ever-changing all the time. Now that I am about 16 months postpartum I may want to start talking about my wave as clinical depression and anxiety since postpartum usually only lasts one year after birth. Ok, so maybe I can still call it postpartum mood disorder?! At any rate – here I am still riding that wave!
Yesterday I had the pleasure of being interviewed by Josh Rivedal, the person who brought together 50 authors not once but twice to share an array of personal mental health stories. I have been blessed to be a part of Josh’s second book which will be coming out soon. (You can learn more about the book here.) Poor Josh, I had planned to meet with him several times but had to cancel do to conflicts that came up. All three times I had planned to and eventually met with him I had an anxiety about it. That just goes to show you that I am still riding the anxiety wave. If you know me you would know that I have always liked the spotlight, attention, interviews and etc. Reality show? NO PROBLEM! I mean I wanted to be a model for Pete’s sake! So there is no reason whatsoever for me to be anxious about an interview with him. But I was and I blame that on my postpartum mood disorder.
Needless to say the interview went fine, in fact it was FUN! because Josh is a great funny guy! Part of my anxiety, I think, about the interview was that in the beginning of my coming out of the clouds so-to-speak I was very anxious (the good anxious, that is) to talk about/get the word out about mental illness. But after I got the word out, and after all the excitement and promotion around my book regular chaotic life took over and I began to experience some depression again. Needless to say it was nothing as severe as the beginning of my bout with postpartum depression but it was there nonetheless. And because of that I honestly did not really want to talk about it -mental illness- (since I was still experiencing it). However, after the interview I was once again pumped up. Talking to Josh made me want to pick back up and get out there again to promote awareness around mental illness.
If you think of surfers it really is a sport that requires much skill. First off, unlike me, you have to be okay with going in a body of water that has jellyfish, sharks and the like. Without even getting on the board you can die or get seriously hurt! Forget just staying afloat in the water you also have to learn how to balance yourself on a board up against gigantic waves? I don’t know about you but I can barely hop on one foot?! If you happen to fall off the board you need to know how to go with the tide so-to-speak without drowning! Not an easy task I would imagine?! It must be really exhausting for surfers to learn this skillset and then maintain it or advance in it. They must get pretty discouraged in the beginning (or even in competitions) when they can’t seem to “ride the wave”. But then, to get back up after many failed attempts and keep on going? Well that is commendable indeed!
So in a small comparison I guess I need to get over the discouragement I have felt in recent months and just continue to ride the wave and see where it takes me or more so, where I take it?! Sink or swim baby so I’m gonna just keep swimming!