A Poem From My Future Self

Monthly Archives:October 2017

Mourning The Old You

10 Oct, 2017
No Comments

I recently went out to dinner with my sisters. It was such a great time because we never really get a chance to see each other. My sister recently got a job so she was very pumped up in sharing all about it. She too was someone who for the majority of her life has solely worked from a home office. Now she is working partially from home and partially from an office. I must say that while listening to her I felt totally pumped up and energized from a work related aspect. She has such passion and drive for her job and what she does and I could not help but feel a little nostalgic because that is how I used to be.

Growing up I loved to work. I started working as a babysitter at the age of 11 and from then on out I have never stopped working. Even when I was laid off for a few years I was still working as all Moms do – working in the home as wife and Mother. But I always had a deep work ethic and a love for working in general.

There was nothing worse than being in a job you hated or working for a company or in a department that you did not like. So I never ever followed the rule of staying in a job for a long period of time just so it looks good on your resume. Heck no! I always did what I wanted even if that meant I only worked for a job a short time. That mentality began when I was in High School and I was working for Flemington Department Store. I was only there maybe a month or so (it’s a blur so I do not remember). I asked for time off so I could go down the shore with my friends after prom. When the owner refused I quit right there on the spot – no notice or nothing. Who wouldn’t let a kid take off for prom? It’s like a freakin rite of passage for goodness sake! Sure, I was young so I didn’t have to work per se because my family supported me but I loved to work. I wanted to work so it stunk that I had to quit just because he was being a jerk. lol! There was a little more to the story than that but I didn’t regret quitting like that and I do not regret it now.

I have currently been at the company I am at for just over five years. It feels like so much longer only because I am literally the longest standing (non) employee in my department. I have to say the past year or so we have seen the least turnover which has been great because this new team really works great together. Before that we had constant turnover not only in the department but in the company overall. I have been blessed to have just remained stable in my position.

Because I am a contractor I get paid per hour and I never get a raise. I also have not changed titles or positions in the duration of this contract. While I am very happy to have a job and while I feel very grateful that I can work from the comfort of my own home and around my kids’ schedules I have to say after listening to my sister I did kind of mourn my old work self. Being able to get raises, paid time off; being able to strive for goals and try to get bonuses or promotions… I gotta say, I miss it. Would I want to go back to that? No. Do not get me wrong but I would be lying if I did not say I was a wee bit envious listening to my sister’s new awesome job.

When you are a stay-at-home working Mom like me it can be very very hard. You are always in your office maybe without co-workers but always with at least one kid around. You don’t get to travel (though I have constantly joked with my boss about sending me to Texas to meet them all!). There are no paid meals, hotels, mileage. You don’t get to see your co-workers (though I will meet with my counterpart every so often since she is not that far away). Your work is always there, at home, with you. That can be tough.

If I never worked in Corporate America I would not know any better. Free breakfasts, coffee and morning chats with co-workers, celebrating baby or bridal showers at work. How about working out at the company gym and getting a hot shower and ready there in peace and quiet without kids nagging you? I mean, come on, I did not even shower or change my clothes at all yesterday! Having the ability to run errands at lunch without my toddler trying to jump out of the grocery cart!  So I do, I do miss it all even if only a little bit!

For over twelve years now I have been mourning my pre-pregnancy body. I have been up and down. And I do not know if it is the latest plus size craze or what but I have finally kind of come to the fact that “it is what it is” this, my post-pregnancy body. Does this mean I won’t try to diet again and lose weight? No. Because I have always been like that even before I got married and I thought I was fat! But I have kind of given up on the fact that I will look or weigh the same that I did when we first got married. And that is ok.

So I guess since the mourning of my body was kinda over I had to pick something else to mourn over so I chose mourning over the loss of my old work self. lol!

I know me…if I survive raising all of these children I will never stop working in some capacity. Who knows? Maybe one day I will return to the workplace fulltime and be happily yet miserably stuck in an office cubical begging for time off and to work from home. For now, I guess I will just strive for new work goals in the main job that I have as Wife and Mom. It may not be the same as Corporate American but it will most definitely be rewarding.

God bless,


P.S. Wife and Mom in caps on purpose! ;)