I have said this before but I will say it again, when I came up with this site and blog it was supposed to be funny; always funny. However, along the way not-so-funny things have happened and I have to blog about it otherwise there would be no blog at all! So hopefully you will bear with my more serious or less humorous blogs.
When you become a Mother it is the best experience in the world. There is nothing like it. The same goes of course for Fathers but there is nothing like carrying a baby in your womb just as there is nothing like the bond that a Mother and child have their entire lives. It is unique. It is special.
However, one must admit that when you become a Mother everything changes. First, your body changes. FOR-EVER. LOL. I do not care if you eventually become Mrs. Universe and you are as skinny and fit as could be; your body changes inside and out. Something will always be different. Maybe it will be your tatas. Maybe it will be your tummy. Maybe it will be your hormones. Maybe you won’t ever ever be able to laugh or cough again without peeing. Who knows what it will be but your body changes forever.
Obviously the other major thing that changes is that life, your life, is no longer about you. It is about your child or children. Yes, of course you have to take care of you but a true Mother always thinks about and maybe even always worries for her children.
Along the journey of Motherhood you experience ups and downs, good times and bad times. Some days are easier, some days are harder. Your kid may be out of diapers but drawing on your walls. Your kid may not be drawing on your walls but on other’s properties. Your kid may not be ruining other’s properties but may grow a severe ‘tude. Your kid may outgrow his tude but not your home, living with you FOR-EVER. You get the gidst.
And during all of those times you may have something eating away at you or something try to steal you; the you before you were a Mother. What is “it”? Is it an illness? Is it problems in your marriage? Is it a bad habit or an addiction? Is it something as simple as your temper or the way your treat your family? “It” may be one thing one year and something else the next but “it” always has one purpose which is to steal that part or a part of you. What is important to remember is that you would not be a Mother without that part of you for it is the very essence that makes up you.
It is very easy to get side-tracked and let things get to us. We Mothers are always so busy, juggling so much. But we do have to remember to take care of ourselves inside and out. We have to remember that when we nourish ourselves we can nourish others even better than before.
At the end of this month I will be going on my 3rd annual Mother’s Retreat. Yes, it is a religious one because I try to be a devout Catholic. But anyone can go on any retreat they want. The first year I went for one night and went home. The second year I stayed an extra night alone to reflect on all that had occurred. I am doing that this year as well. This retreat has really helped me so much. It gives me the time to stop and reflect on everything from that last year. To think about all of those things, those “its” which have tried to steal a piece of me. It allows me to work on those things which will help me become a better wife and a better Mother. I work through what happened that past year and I get rid of it. I prepare for the next year of Wifehood and Motherhood. I start over. I start over knowing that there will be some “thing” that will come up that will test me. But I start over with the hope and the intention of giving it my best shot; of tackling it head on and coming out on top.
I am sure this retreat I will be doing a long of crying. This past year was the worst year of my life as I battled postpartum depression and anxiety. That was my biggest “it”. Though I am “healed” from it the scars are still there. It’s almost like a wound that never heals right now. It is not painful and the bleeding has stopped but I still feel it and some days it’s numb. It has taken a lot of my regular, daily non-induced joy and laughter that I used to just have. So as I enter into this retreat I will be focusing on how, like in the game of chess, to get my pawns to the other side and retrieve some of my strongest pieces so I can get back in the game and beat the heck out of my opponent.
Whatever “it” is Momma, don’t let it steal YOU.